of bread and (wo)men

There are two types of people, as I have discovered recently, with regards to slicing bead.

I was at a friend's place and garlic bread was on the agenda. I was asked to slice the bread when it occured to me that there are definitely two paths you can take.

In the first, you slice the bread vertically as per tradition. The knife goes through, it may be difficult due to the uneven terrain, but it gets there. The slice comes out a little bumpy, a little jagged, a little crumbly. A small mess is left on the counter due to falling crumbs– but its bread, right? Still tastes good. Once you put the butter on, the garlic and sprinkle the parsely, the effort makes the reward all the more tastier. And its just so Right. Plus your get compliments for all that effort. How did you get it so even?

"Its no biggy," you gush, though you're secretely basking in the glory of being elevated in your guests' eyes. It could even be said there is a glow around you…a halo if you like.

The other way and the route I unfortunately took, claiming "I like to make things easy as possible for myself." Firstly, I received an accusing You're Such a Slacker look. I thought I was smart? Obviously not. You need to take societal values into account, girl. Suck it all you can, so the God of Worldly Politics is on your side. This is not just a mere cooking lesson, but an all encompassing philosophy. You better know it. Let this be a lesson to you. Now listen carefully- this is what you don't do.

Look at the breadly terrain. If it's diagonal, cut diagonally. If it's straight, cut straight. If it's horizontal, for the love of God, go horizontal – you can make them smaller by cutting them in half or thirds later.

I cut it diagonally. Big deal, it was easy. It comes out even, with minimal damage, no crumbly avalanches here. Obviously there was no effort required. Put the butter, garlic and parsley in a small bowl and smear it on. When it's done, people eat it. That's all. Not something to talk about. Forget the praise. Its just garlic bread and it was easy.

Now you can make an analogy of something higher or deeper out of this if you like. But I really just wanted to tell you about the garlic bread.